i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
