i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Randomize
