My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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