hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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