you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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