Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
