I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
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