that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
