But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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