My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize