Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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