Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
