if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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