Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
