dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
