bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
