I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I cannot find my penis.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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