I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
