im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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