literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
