she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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