remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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