i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
