So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
