Apparently you make a good broom.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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