i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
