I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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