I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
