so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i've created a new STD.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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