I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No subtext here. People are naked.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
