she looked like the before picture.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
