I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
