I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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