Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
