I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
