wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I checked into jail on foursquare
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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