Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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