U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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