Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
