Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
