He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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