He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
