So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
My bed smells like the plague
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
