we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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