My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
