tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
