I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
