They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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