I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
