Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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