This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
