If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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