It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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