hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
