they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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