Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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