So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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