please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i believe in u and ur pee
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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