i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
