Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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