Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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