As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
im on a boat
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