Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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