I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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