i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
