I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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