I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
