well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
