i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
