Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
