Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
