you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
