margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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