I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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