you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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