Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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