She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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